


Coming down

by midnight_decisions



Category: Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Depression, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Pedophilia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-01 06:19:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12150477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnight_decisions/pseuds/midnight_decisions
Summary: "I was just a child."(trigger warning: this fic is based off of my own experiences as a child. it may be triggering to people who have dealt with sexual and emotional abuse. read with caution if you are sensitive to these type of things. stay safe )





	1. Chapter one: Childhood

**Author's Note:**

> (do not read if you are easily triggered by sexual and emotional abuse, rape, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm.  
> every chapter will be triggering for the most part.  
> please be careful while reading this. xo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (do not read if you are easily triggered by sexual and emotional abuse, rape, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm.  
> every chapter will be triggering for the most part.   
> please be careful while reading this. xo 

Everyone's childhood is different. Some people have wonderful childhoods filled with the best possible memories. They would get spoiled with toys and given love. Most likely their parents took them to Disneyworld along with other fun places.

Then there's childhoods filled with okay memories. Sure, some of it might suck but for most part they have pretty good childhoods despite it not being completely perfect.

Lastly there's the childhoods filled with horrible things such as abuse, violence, neglect and abandonment. It's often when a child experiences these type of things they think it's normal. They assume everyone else has a similar childhood. When they learn the truth as they get older and realize it they are or were being abused it often gives them a mental breakdown. Ryan Ross is one of these unlucky people who didn't get to experience a childhood thanks to his uncle.

At age three his father left the family. He didn't understand why his dad left but he cried and cried for days. That's when Uncle James stepped into the picture. He was Ryan's father's brother. Ryan adored him. Quickly he decided Uncle James was his favorite person.

As soon as Uncle James had gained Ryan's trust, that's when the abuse started. At first it was just his uncle touching his private parts. He didn't understand but Uncle James stated it was normal and it's how family showed they loved each other.

Ryan believed him. He wouldn't lie to Ryan. So, Ryan fully trusted him. There was no reason not to.

As he got older it was more than just his genitals that Uncle James would touch. Sometimes he would make Ryan suck his penis. "Suck it like a lollipop Ryan."

Ryan did so. Every time he sucked Uncle James's penis or did something good like that he'd get a present. Sometimes it was candy. Other times it was a toy car. "This will be our little secret okay?" Uncle James would say every time he gave Ryan a present.

It felt special. He felt grown up. Not too many four years old had secrets with adults.

At age five when Uncle James was giving Ryan his bath he decided it was time to try something. He stood taking his clothes off.

Ryan looked up at him "Uncle James? Why are you getting taking your clothes off?" He asked softly not understanding what was going on.

Sure, he had been naked around Uncle James before and seen his uncle's penis before but now he was completely naked. It made Ryan feel slightly uneasy but he knew he could trust Uncle James just like he always did.

"It's okay Ryan. You'll like it. You always like when I touch your private parts right?"

Ryan nodded "Yeah."

Uncle James got in the tub with Ryan.

He took the little boy putting him on his lap.

Ryan was slightly scared of what might happen next. Then he felt Uncle James's finger go inside of him.

He liked it. For some reason, he really liked it.

The rest that followed consisted of Uncle James using three fingers in Ryan's hole. Then when he removed his fingers.  
Ryan assumed it was over but he was wrong. He felt Uncle James put his penis inside of him.

It hurt but Ryan didn't dare say anything. He didn't want Uncle James mad at him.  
When Uncle James got mad he would yell and sometimes throw things. It was scary.

Once it was over Uncle James wrapped Ryan in a towel and dried himself off. He got dressed in the clothes he was wearing before. Then he helped Ryan into his pajamas.

"Goodnight Ryan," he laid the five-year-old boy down in the bed next to Nick who was Ryan's cousin.

Ryan fell asleep despite the pain in his rear.

This cycle of abuse went on for years.

At age ten Ryan learned the truth. He was over at a friend's house and her family didn't act like his family. She wasn't being sexually abused.  
It caused him to have an emotional breakdown as soon as he learned the truth.

Now he was fifteen and he told his sister Langley what was going on.

"Ryan, we have to tell the cops!" She stated.

"Do we have to?" Ryan groaned lying on his back.

"Yes."

Ryan lit a cigarette. He took a long drag. "Okay."

Even though he hated cops he knew it was for the best.

Uncle James was still living with them and their mother had no idea yet. Ryan would tell her tonight.

"Mom?" He stood in sweatpants and a tank top.

Danielle Ross looked at her son "Yes baby?"

Ryan took a deep breath sitting down on his mom's bed "I have to tell you something important."

"What is it?"

Ryan explained to his mom everything he went through over the past twelve years. All the things Uncle James had done, the fact he was cutting his thighs, and his failed suicide attempts.

As soon as he was finished his mom was crying. She hugged him tightly kissing his forehead "We'll talk to the police and get him put away for a long time. I promise," she hugged him close.

Ryan nodded wiping his eyes because he was crying himself. "Another thing too. I'm gay."

"That's okay I won't judge you baby."

"I have a boyfriend too. It kinda just happened. I like him a lot. He doesn't know about all of this yet but I'll tell him."

Danielle smiled "What's his name?"

"Brendon. Brendon Urie."

"Oh, he works at Tropical Smoothie, right?"

Ryan nodded "Yeah."

"He seems sweet."

"He is."

After his mom held him for awhile he said goodnight and she kissed the top of his head. "I love you Ryan."

"I love you too momma."

He stood going to Langley room "Langs?"

Langley turned looking at Mickey "What's up?"

"Can I sleep in here with you?"

Langley smiled nodding "Of course."

Ryan climbed into Langley's bed. She laid down next to him wrapping her arms around his waist.  
They cuddled "I love you Ry."

Ryan smiled "I love you too Langs."

Slowly they both fell asleep holding each other close.


	2. Chapter two: Those three words

Ryan debated for a week on whether or not to tell Brendon about the abuse. Finally after much convincing thanks to Langley he decided it was time.

Slowly he walked over to the Uries' house. He was shaking slightly but tried to stay calm but smoking a cigarette. Brendon would still care about him. He knew that.

As soon as he reached his destination he knocked on the door. Matt who was the oldest Urie brother opened the door. He too was smoking a cigarette.

"What's up," Matt asked crossing his arms. He didn't really like Ryan. None of the Uries did. They assumed he wasn't going anywhere in life and Brendon could do a lot better but they never said that.

"Is Brendon home?"

"Yeah he's outside helping Kyla with her car."

Ryan nodded making his way through the house going to the backyard. He smirked when he saw Brendon in his tank top and jeans that made his ass look great. The younger male was sweaty and as he looked over the car's engine.

"Hey," Ryan said clearing his throat.

Brendon turned looking at him "Oh hey Ry. I didn't know you'd be stopping by."

"Yeah well here I am. Can we talk for a bit?"

"Sure. Kyla I'll be back soon," he cleaned his hands with a rag.

Kyla just nodded Ryan a dirty look. She clearly didn't like him.

Ryan would have laughed if he wasn't so on edge. If Kyla Urie knew half the shit he's been through she'd never look at him like that again.

Brendon hugged Ryan kissing his jaw. It was one of his favorite places to kiss. He had become more affectionate since letting his guard down a few weeks ago. Thankfully Brendon liked it.

Together the two boys went upstairs. Brendon laid down on the bed pulling Ryan down with him. Ryan giggled. He actually fucking giggled.

"So what did you wanna talk about?"

"Promise you won't judge me?" Ryan asked softly feeling very small.

"Of course not Ryan. You know you can tell me anything. No judgement."

"Okay. You met my uncle right?"

"Yeah when I went to pick you up last week. Why?"

Ryan took a deep "He's been sexually abusing me for nearly twelve years now. It isn't just him touching me or vice versa. I have to give him oral and he rapes me."

Brendon nearly cried when Ryan told him everything. Instead of crying and making the situation about him he hugged Ryan close "Is that why touching makes you anxious sometimes like when a random person puts their hand on your arm or shoulder?"

Ryan nodded "Yeah. That's exactly why."

"It's okay. Fuck I'm so sorry he's doing that to you. Does anyone else know?"

"My mom and Langley know. We're going to tell the cops next week."

Brendon bit his lip "Do you want me to go with you?"

"Really? You'll go with me?"

Brendon nodded "Yeah I will if you want."

Ryan smiled "Yeah. I want you to."

Brendon smiled and he gently kissed Ryan.

They spent the rest of the day kissing and touching each other but nothing too sexual so Ryan would feel comfortable. Brendon would wait until Ryan felt ready for anything more. Ryan's comfort level was more important than having sex.

"Ryan?" Brendon asked quietly.

"Yeah?" Ryan asked a cigarette between his teeth.

"I'll protect you."

Ryan smiled softly lying his head on Brendon's chest. "I know."

To him somebody telling him they'd protect him was bigger than I love you. It was weird. He knew Brendon loved him so it was nice to hear that Brendon would protect him.

Around 6:30 Ryan sat with the Uries for dinner.  
Once again Kyla gave him the same look that she gave him earlier today. It made him feel slightly uneasy. He knew she wouldn't do anything but today was pretty intense after telling Brendon everything so Kyla starring him down wasn't helping.

Ryan held his hand from under the table. It was comforting.

After dinner and a movie with Brendon Ryan went home. Thankfully nobody was awake when he went through the front door or so he thought.  
Right when he was about to go to his room he felt his uncle's arms around him.  
At first he just wanted to let it happen and have it be over and done with but then he remembered his mom knew 

"Mom!" He screamed "Mom! Help!"

Uncle James covered his mouth "Shut up!" He hissed 

Danielle Ross walked out "Let my son go! Now James!"

Ryan felt his uncle realse his grip.

Nick held Uncle James's arms behind his back "Don't even try to move dad or can I even call you that anymore?"

Langley was on the phone with the cops.

Danielle hugged Ryan who was shaking uncontrollably.

Finally the police came. They took Uncle James away after asking Ryan a shit ton of questions. "We'll have to interview you down at the station tomorrow at 1. Your uncle will be placed in a holding cell for the night," one of the cops explained.

Ryan nodded a bit.

The cops left and Ryan ran to the bathroom puking his guts out. It was probably a combination of stress, anxiety and fear.  
He felt Brendon's hands rub his back.

"B-brendon ?"

"Langley texted me and told me everything that happened. It's okay. You're safe," Brendon whispered petting Ryan's hair.

Eventually Ryan stopped puking and Brendon helped him stand.   
Taking a wet washcloth Brendon cleaned the vomit off of Ryan's face. "There all nice and clean."

Ryan gave him a small smile.

Carefully Brendon helped Ryan into bed. He kissed Ryan's forehead "Goodnight," he whispered turning to leave but Ryan gripped his hand so he couldn't. "What baby?"

Normally Ryan would have yelled at Brendon for calling him "baby" on any other day but it was nice. 

"S-stay please," he stuttered out.

Brendon nodded climbing into bed pulling Ryan close to him. Gently he pressed a kiss to top of Ryan's head. 

Slowly Ryan drifted off to sleep curled up in Brendon's arms feeling safe for the first time in twelve years.


End file.
